This one belongs in the Hall of Shame — right next to the guy who tried to rob a McDonald’s with a spoon.
It was around 11 PM in Las Vegas, at a 24-hour adult store where nothing good ever happens after midnight. A man in a hoodie walked in, face covered, hands twitching, and headed straight for the back wall where the serious toys live.
The cashier assumed he was just another late-night shopper with a fetish and a payday. But then the man spun around, grabbed the biggest dildo on the display — we’re talking full-on novelty size, the kind of toy that comes with a warning label — and yelled, “Empty the register or I’ll beat your ass with this.”
It was lubed.
Apparently, he’d poured lube on it before making the threat, like some kind of unholy Excalibur ritual. It dripped down his sleeve as he waved it like a sword. The cashier stared at him, deadpan, and said, “Sir, is that your actual plan?”
He repeated the threat. Louder this time. The cashier, a retired Army vet with zero patience for dildo drama, simply hit the silent alarm.
Cops arrived within minutes and tackled him right in the lube aisle. The weapon slipped from his hands and landed on the floor with a wet splat.
The report read:
“Suspect attempted armed robbery with novelty phallic device. No injuries. Weapon confiscated.”
No one was hurt. But the mental scars? Permanent.
This is why at Sexy Pharmacy, we believe in discreet pleasure, not weaponized dildos. You won’t find any slippery hold-ups here — just clean, safe, online shopping from the comfort of your own dungeon.
We handle your kinks with care. No ski masks. No police reports. And no one’s threatening your wallet with a ten-pound dong.